It’s that time of year when the nights draw in and the kids are frogmarched back to school – and you know what that means…
Christmas is coming.
Yes, we may still be a few months away, but we don’t need to tell you that the days and weeks roll around fast.
While that’s exciting for some, for others it’s a source of stress, not least separated parents.
The question of Child Arrangements at Christmas can be a thorny issue – and understandably so. Christmas is a special time for family and friends, therefore competition over who gets to have the kids can be immense.
Whether you’re facing Christmas for the first time as a separated parent, or would simply like more stability and certainty, it’s important to start the discussions of Child Arrangements as soon as possible – so the day itself can be properly enjoyed.
All parents will have their own thoughts and feelings about what’s fair when it comes to Child Arrangements, but ultimately the needs of the child (or children) are paramount.
It’s important to pay attention to your child’s own feelings around where they would like to spend Christmas. Their wishes should form part of the discussion, with the focus remaining on arrangements that best meet their needs.
Alongside this comes the practicalities of the day itself. It may be tempting to think a clean 50/50 time-split is best so the child can see both parents, but Christmas day is a special occasion with its own rhythms and routines, and it may be impractical to disrupt that with arranging pick-ups and drop offs.
An alternative could be for the children to spend time with one parent from Christmas Eve until Christmas Day evening, and then the other parent from Christmas Day evening until Boxing Day, and alternating each year. This way the children could have two “Christmas Days” rather than one disrupted day.
Whatever arrangements are proposed, parents should think about what is likely to provide their child with the most enjoyable, stable and stress-free Christmas experience.
There are a number of ways to decide on your Child Arrangements. Some are costly, time consuming and exhaustive, and others are much more straightforward. It all depends on your circumstances.
In general, it’s preferable to keep things out of court where possible.
The simplest, and cheapest, option is to simply discuss the matter of Child Arrangements with your ex-partner and come up with an agreeable solution.
This way is the least likely to cause significant disruption to the child’s day-to-day routines or their wellbeing – or even your own.
It’s a good idea to record the arrangements you come up with in writing so they can be referred back to – but this is not essential.
This method works best when the separation has been amicable, at least to a reasonable degree.
Although, in instances of domestic abuse, coercion or even just plain animosity, this method simply may not be possible.
If agreeable arrangements can’t be decided, the next step involves alternative dispute resolution (ADR), which can be handled one of two ways.
The first is mediation.
A mediator is a legal professional who dictates the terms of communication between the parents to maintain order and fairness.
They act as a neutral third party who works with both parents to help them come up with a solution.
They cannot, however, compel ex-partners to agree – only assist them to find a solution between themselves.
In the event mediation fails, the mediator will provide the parents with a form to declare the issue must be settled in court.
The other option under ADR is arbitration.
Arbitration is essentially a private, commercial hearing that dictates the terms of child arrangements.
An arbitrator, unlike a mediator, has the power to compel both ex-partners to agree to arrangements, as their word is legally binding.
The decisions an arbitrator makes are reviewed by an independent family judge, and once they have been approved, their decision is final.
However, arbitration can still fail as parents are under no obligation to agree to the arbitration process.
For example, if one partner refuses to engage with arbitration from the outset, and does not sign the initial agreement to begin the arbitration process, then arbitration will not be possible.
When all else fails, the last stop on the tracks is the courthouse.
To reach this stage at all, you must first demonstrate to the court that you have made all reasonable efforts to resolve the issue of child arrangements between yourselves, including mediation.
A court will use a Welfare Checklist and prioritise the needs of the child above all else.
The word of a judge is of course legally binding.
This is also the most expensive route as it involves court fees and legal fees.
However, particularly in extreme cases involving domestic abuse or coercion, it may simply be the only option.
With each level of escalation timescales increase and it is obviously quickest for parents to agree on child arrangements between themselves.
But even in cases that reach court, where timescales and costs are highest, there are still ways to put arrangements in place for special occasions like Christmas.
Temporary agreements can be imposed, where a judge determines the arrangements for any special occasion that occurs whilst the court process is still ongoing.
That’s why, even if you expect your case to go to court, you should begin discussions for Christmas as soon as possible – even now, in September.
There is no one correct way to agree on Child Arrangements and each case will be judged on its own merits.
Regardless, it’s vital to act early and be prepared as this gives you the best possible chance of stability and certainty, so that special occasions can be properly enjoyed.
The single most important thing to remember is always: what would be best for your child?
